Who Gives A Rip
I am sick of hearing middle aged white dudes bitching about the emasculation of men in modern society. Really? You don’t like how you are portrayed on TV, commercials, movies, magazines and on the internet? It doesn’t seem fair? That’s not who you REALLY are? Try being a woman. We’ve had to deal with it our entire lives…since the dawn of civilization. When feminists complain they are told to have a sense of humor and get over it. Well dudes…it’s your turn.
TV shows like “Man Up,” “Last Man Standing,” and “How To Be A Gentleman” have struck a chord with American males who are insecure in their masculinity and to be honest, it’s pathetic and I’m sick of hearing about it.
Here are a few of my thoughts on the issue:
1. If, in the middle of the worst recession since the Great Depression you feel so slighted by society that you have to blog and tweet and write indignant Facebook status updates about how you feel emasculated by TV shows…if during a national economic disaster your slighted masculine ego takes precedence over all other troubles plaguing society…you need to get a grip. Do you have any idea what kind of incredible pu$$ you sound like? Get a sense of humor for fu¢k sake. Stop taking yourself so seriously. I hate to break it to you but your masculinity is at the bottom of society’s To-Do list at the moment.
2. Get a hobby. If you’re spending time every day thinking, worrying and feeling angry about your own personal emasculation…you need to get a job or find a passion in life. Art? Woodwork? Playing football? Cooking? Charity? Politics? Education? Social issues? Mixed martial arts? Stand-up comedy? There are so many better things you could be doing with your time.
3. Have you ever considered that it’s not an “emasculation” as much as it is the natural evolutionary cycle of human beings? Being a dandy use to be quite popular. I’m not saying that modern men are dandies because they are far from it, but I think that it’s natural for things to swing in different directions over time. If you don’t like the swing, get outta the playground.
4. Now let’s talk about video games. Don’t get your boxer briefs in a wad when other people tease you or make fun of you for playing your little games. Just enjoy it. It’s as silly as a pole dancing workout. Some women like to spend their free time pretending to be strippers and you spend your free time pretending to be a soldier fighting an imaginary war. It’s funny…it’s cute…deal with it. It doesn’t make you any less of a “man.” What DOES make you less of a man is not having a sense of humor about the absurdity of your own reality.
These are a few of the MANY reasons I’m looking forward to watching shows like “Man Up.” Thank God someone has a sense of humor about their own masculinity.
So next time you are feeling indignant about your masculinity and you want to take your hurt feelings out on the nearest sitcom…ask yourself if the lady doth protest too much. Is society making you feel emasculated or is it something inside you? Remember, John Wayne wore make-up to work every day.
This is Demi Moore‘s twitter reaction to all the tabloid and gossip buzz about her husband Ashton Kutcher banging a broad in a San Diego hotel on their 6th anniversary. Looks like some Oprah style bullshit to me.
Oh and she also plastered her Twitter page with wallpaper of her crotch.
Classy! I think Ashton has one just like it in Los Angeles though. A newer model in fact. I don’t mean to be cynical but did anybody think this was going to last? To be honest they lasted a lot longer than I thought. He doesn’t need a baby sitter anymore, he can go out on his own. Is it any coincidence that as soon as he gets a huge paying job he ditches the old model for a newer one? Not that he hasn’t been test driving newer models for years.
I saw this in Us Weekly and the only way that exercise has had anything to do with Cameron Diaz’s changed face, is if she’s walking to her plastic surgeon’s office. Wake up people!
If you go to the website the first thing you see is:
Liberals, commies, democrats, Muslims, folks on welfare, socialists, folks who love Obama, folks who don’t confess Jesus as their savior: JUST GET THE HELL GONE!
Wait? What? Who is this crazy person? I love it! I must know more! I need to read the shit out of this blog!
My friend sent me to this website that I thought was real for a few minutes – for those few minutes it was awesome… even GLORIOUS.
Prophetess Debbie is some chick or dude who pretends to be this Christian lady prophet who is ordained by God to speak for him and his son, the sweet baby Jesus.
But then you realize pretty quickly that it’s just somebody trolling people on the internet. If you’re freaking out over this Prophetess Debbie person you need to really wake the fuck up. It’s not really my kind of humor. It’s like a drag show or burlesque show – you see one, you’ve seen them all. You read one blog post on this site and you’ve pretty much read them all. They’re all just kinda the same. She says crazy shit and claims to be a prophet, and people believe her (or him) and leave angry and outraged comments. Over and over and over again.
In one blog entry “Prophetess Debbie” calls Caylee Anthony’s murder “Justifiable Homicide“which is just silly, and then makes a bunch of crazy statements about how God told her that Caylee was an evil, devil spawn child who deserved to be killed… and as you’d expect Christians get all upset that she’s giving Christians a bad name. She refers to Casey Anthony as a “sister in Christ” and talks about how Casey was just doing God’s work when she killed Caylee. You get it. That kind of shit.
When stupid people get mad at her, she responds with things like this…
It’s hard to read because it’s small but it says, “I rebuke you! And I plead the power of the BLOOD of the Perfect Lamb over my life and this message board. I pray that Jesus rapes you and your children (both male and female) to teach you a lesson about besmirching and slandering his anointed.”
I mean seriously, if you’re gonna get raped… may as well be by the best, right?
This comment actually made me laugh but was also the comment that confirmed my suspicions that the site was fake… I suspected right away, but wasn’t sure, so I kept reading but it becomes obvious pretty quick. Don’t get me wrong, the site is worth a few minutes of your time. Leave a comment, pretend to be angry or pretend to agree with her, like most people do in the comments. Seems like most people get what’s going on on the site, just a few who are sadly in the dark or pretending to be. I started to think that this person who pretends to be Debbie was also making up characters and leaving themselves comments to respond to, which is entirely possible as well but who knows.
I wish to God that the Prophetess Debbie were real. Please Jesus, strike down this demon who pretends to be Debbie and create a REAL DEBBIE!
She has friends who also pretend to be crazy Christians like this lady: Betty Bowers who makes videos on YouTube. I couldn’t get more than a few seconds into any of the videos without clicking away. I mean the only interesting thing about religious zealots like this are that they are being sincere… That’s what makes them funny to me. Maybe I’m just jaded. Maybe I’m just too bummed that Debbie isn’t real to enjoy the site once I figured it out. I don’t know.
Both of these fake ladies seem like characters from True Blood – Vampire haters or something. I love that photo of Debbie that she uses. It’s pretty good.
What’s your favorite fake website character/troll?
Spoiler alert – if you didn’t see last week’s episode of Game of Thrones then the spoiler is that you are not really much of a fan of the show so you should not be concerned with spoiler alerts.
But this guys reaction to the ending of last week’s episode when our beloved Ned was beheaded in front of God and everyone makes me happy. I think we all felt this way.
My entire adult life people have talked about sexual fantasies. What they think about or imagine when they are having sex or jerking off. Which is totally bizarre to me, because I don’t fantasize sexually AT ALL. About anything really. I never have. I’ve tried, but it feels weird.
Oh sure when I was a kid I had fantasies but they usually involved my entire family dying and then me being adopted by The A Team — OR — Apollo in Battlestar Gallactic adopting me after my parents are killed in the raid on Caprica and then me spending the rest of my life fighting crime and/or Cylons.
Sexual fantasies are not something my brain naturally does. When I’m “jerking off” (the term I like to use for both men and women) you know what I’m thinking? I’m thinking, “I’m jerking off and it feels great. This vibrator was a fantastic investment. What did women do before vibrators? Praise God for vibrators! Jerking off right now was a fantastic idea. Let’s try another setting. Woah! I didn’t think it could get better and it just did. That felt great. Okay, back to the computer.”
I have never in my life imagined another person, or that I was having sex, or that someone was doing something sexy to me… I literally just think, “I am masturbating.” Does this make sense to you? Does this make me insane? Am I missing out on something magical?
As an adult, if I fantasize it’s usually about having more money and what I could do with that. Living a life of luxury where I didn’t have to worry about bills. Adopting more dogs, knitting something cool… shopping. I fantasize about traveling to new places and what it’ll be like… I fantasize about what my future will look like or telling someone off. I fantasize about crashing into the back of bad drivers on the freeway. When I’m driving on windy mountain roads I fantasize about how horrible it would be to drive off the edge and what that would look like. I fantasize about being cooler than I am, being thinner or hotter. A new job, writing a book, a raise, running an internet empire, buying things for my family, being a better person. I fantasize about living in a house, or owning a Ford Edge which I wish I had instead of the Toyota Prius but I got the Prius because I wanted to save the earth instead. I fantasize about if I had the black Prius as opposed to the slate gray that my friend talked me into that I’ve never liked that much. So I fantasize about tons of stuff, but I do not fantasize about sex.
When I’m having sex with my boyfriend I’m thinking, “Wow this is great. This guy knows what he’s doing. What can I do that will blow this guy’s mind? Let me try this or that. I LOVE this guy! I should clone this guy.” And then something like, “What is he trying to milk this out for? I already came, does he realize my vagina is done? I’m sorry vagina, hang in there, just a little bit longer, take one for the team. How long is it gonna take to get this guy off? How can I speed this up? Oh he likes this, great! Mission accomplished. Let’s take a shower before this stuff dries.”
What am I supposed to be fantasizing about people? What do you fantasize about? I mean do you literally imagine some dude fucking you? Or sucking on your? Or saying things to you? Do you fantasize that three dudes are just going to town on you? The entire concept of sexual fantasy is so foreign to me. I can’t imagine. It’s just not how my brain works.
I have a good healthy sex life. I’m perfectly happy with my sex but when I’m having sex or jerking off I’m really just thinking of the reality of what’s going on or enjoying what’s going on. There’s no fantasy involved.
Thinking of other people fantasizing always makes me laugh. It sounds so silly to me. I’m not saying it’s wrong or anything, I’m just saying that it’s a foreign concept to me. I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m gonna go jerk off now.
In an effort to not be so negative all the time The Meanest Girls On Earth is going to be more positive and talk about things we like, instead of things we hate. So with that…
Welcome to a new series called DILFS or Dudes I’d Like To Fuck. Not literally, just dudes I think are super cool and sexy and don’t get the credit they deserve.
Let’s start this series with Chris friggin’ Bauer.
Oh sure, he plays stupid old Andy Bellefleur on True Blood. I think he’s the last guy in the cast of that show that you want to fuck. It’s a great show and he’s good at playing Andy Bellefleur, but no girl wants to fuck Andy Bellefleur… I’m sure the show is a blast to work on, pays the rent and buys his wife expensive purses and shoes like every girl dreams of when their actor boyfriend/husband starts making some bank.
(If you haven’t see The Wire and you plan on watching it don’t read this next paragraph. I’m about to ruin the show for you, if you didn’t see it and it’s a great show, so go rent it, watch every episode, and then come back and read this blog.)
I knew who Chris Bauer was from True Blood. I mean, I didn’t know his name, but I love that show… so I knew his face. I had never seen this guy Chris in anything else before… that I remember.
Then my boyfriend rented The Wire and Chris Bauer plays this fat Polish fuck named Frank Sobotka… who is totally hot. I literally had goosebumps at the end when he got out of the truck and walked toward those gangsters to talk to them…. NOOOOOOOOOOO FRANK! NOOOOOOOO! Such a bummer when your favorite guy on a show dies. I felt the same way watching Game of Thrones this past Sunday. Are you fucking kidding me Game of Thrones?
Back to Bauer… Look at this asshole! He even dresses sexy. I’ve seen this guy a few times in person and he’s hotter in person than he is in photos on the internet… Sometimes photos don’t capture what’s sexy about a person, and I’m not saying that he’s not an attractive man in the photos on the internet… but I just googled him, and if you really want to see what I’m talking about just get The Wire. You know what is one of the most attractive qualities a man can have? It’s to be good at what he does. Pride in his craft. Whatever it is. If you’re gonna manage a Coco’s Restaurant, be good at it and I promise you’ll get laid. This fucker is a good actor, and that’s hot.
My friend offered to introduce me to Chris at a party once because he knows that I’m a fan, but I said no. Living in Los Angeles you seem to run into (or meet) everyone you’re a fan of, and it can make things less fun sometimes. Sometimes I just want to be someone’s fan.
My friend took me to a Tom Jones show for my birthday once and introduced me to him back stage and it was a bummer. He’s just a performer… He’s just a guy. He’s not that cool guy that he is on stage, he’s just kinda sweet and polite. I mean he’s cool and all… but he’s kind of a dandy in person and it’s not that hot. I liked Tom Jones better before I met him, and now I can’t get the (for lack of a better word) foppish guy I met backstage out of my mind. So I didn’t go meet Chris Bauer.
This is a picture of Chris Bauer from some play I’ve never seen. I kinda think it’s hot when a big sexy man kneels before a woman. They might be bigger and stronger but we can emotionally crush them, so it’s important to be nice ladies. Kneeling… Hot. He’s also got strong legs, why are strong legs on guys so sexy? Not muscles… like they are vain and work out, but like they are just the result of strong immigrant breeding stock.
So anyway, go rent The Wire, watch all the episodes and then come back to my blog and tell me if you don’t want to fuck Chris Bauer by the end of the season. I think he’s in season 2.
I want to see Chris Bauer booking the bigger leading roles he deserves. He’s a really good actor.
Look you guys, Pippa Middleton’s ass has a website…
Next thing you know Kate’s ass is gonna have a website and that website is gonna have a D Listed twist on Pippa’s ass’ site. That’s how the internet works.
Am I a total asshole? I just don’t think it’s all that interesting. I mean the royal wedding was cool. That doesn’t happen every day. They seemed to be in love. That was fun.
Pippa looked lovely and was a perfect maid of honor. Well done Pippa!
But I just don’t care to know what’s going on with Pippa or any of the other Middletons.
Do Pippa and her brother like the attention that they are now getting. Are they like the most popular people in England or what?
I have to read the tabloids for work every night and these guys are all over the place, complete with naked and topless photos from what looks like a totally fun night and a pretty damn good afternoon. I mean, all these photos prove is that these people had lives before their sister married a prince. I seriously doubt any new images are going to be popping up on the internet anytime soon. It does just go to show that your past can now haunt you on the internet for all eternity. If you get famous, every stupid picture or video is going to instantly be uploaded to YouTube and you’re going to look like a major asshole.
This Middleton family has become pop culture… they are involved in images that will live in our minds for the rest of our lives.
We’ll tell our grandchildren about when we saw the Royal Wedding.
Now we need to know everything about them, from the moment they were born, until now… every email, every embarrassing photo, text, drunken party stories… we want it ALL complete with pics, YouTube video, and screen captures of celebrity Tweets telling us what people like Chris Brown & Katy Perry think about the Royals and the popularity of Pippa’s ass.
Look the truth is that Kate’s prettier, but Pippa looks like she’s better in the sack and more fun to hang out with. Like if you could have combined Pippa’s personality (and ass) with Kate’s face you’d have the perfect woman
Also, let’s be realistic. William’s no bundle of laughs… he seems like a very serious guy and there’s one thing a serious guy needs and that is a woman who takes him seriously… I believe that Kate takes William seriously, and that’s all you really need for a lifetime of happiness and Royal bliss with a serious man.
Now there’s talk of Pippa Middleton doing a talk show. I’m not buying it. This is just more filler for the tabloids. I’ll believe this shit when I see it.
Reading about the Royal In-laws isn’t going to help me get my job done any faster.
My readers want Bieber! They want Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black caught making out while recording a secret new duet track that I have a secret leaked MP3 of, that you can listen to by CLICKING HERE.