Advice Is Free
Best English Muffin Splitter On Earth
01 year ago
Some people are very passionate about their morning English Muffins. We are those people. My boyfriend’s mother has this amazing plastic Thomas’s brand English Muffin splitter that I’ve looked for for years and never seen online. Not even on Ebay but I did find this thing. If you google “rippled kitchen cutter” you’ll find them. I think they are for cheese, but they work perfectly for English Muffins. I don’t like the more modern ones that are available, like THIS or THIS – they are just not my style. I like things old school, and I love this thing. I found a couple on Etsy that were used and got them. They look cool and work perfectly. Hope this helps you if you are as passionate about your English Muffins as we are.
Nicholas Cage Is NOT A Vampire You Idiots
01 year ago
Last week I noticed several tabloids had picked up a story about Nicholas Cage chasing a naked intruder out of his bedroom in the middle of the night. If you haven’t read the story READ IT HERE it’s way more interesting with an English accent. All I could think was, “who gives a rip about something that happened so long ago. Somewhere a PR agency is working overtime to make Nicholas Cage seem relevant.
Today was the “Nicholas Cage is a real life Bill Compton Vampire” story. Some guy was selling a civil war ear photograph for a million dollars on ebay and he claimed it was photographic proof that Nicholas Cage was a vampire from at least as far back as the Civil War… I mean there’s no way to know before photographs were invented, but I’m sure someone will come out with a Nicholas Cage vampire hieroglyph any time now. The ebay listing has since been removed so I can’t include a link here.
After the vampire story, I Googled to find out who was doing RP for Nicholas Cage and all I could find was a company called WKT Public Relations.
Now even I have to admit that the black and white civil war image is hilarious. I mean it’s clearly not him, but they look enough alike that it’s funny to see the images side by side.
I can’t make up my mind. Are these stories just random luck? Did WKT Public Relations plant these stories? I don’t know how PR works but I’m fascinated now.
Nicholas Cage is just too fake to me. I want him to come clean and talk about smashing shark tanks in his downtown LA loft. I feel like Nicholas Cage is trying to trick me into forgetting that I don’t like him with PR tactics that are about as discrete as the hair on his head.
Will it work? Will people be tricked into going to his films? Is he on the way out? Is he relevant in any way?
Inexpensive Anal Bleaching With Clorox Wipes?
01 year ago
If you wipe your ass with Clorox Wipes would you be able to avoid all those expensive anal bleachings? It’s not for me. It’s for a friend. My friend REALLY wants to know.
Roseanne’s Nuts – She’s Also Mean, Nasty, Hateful, Dumb, Entitled And Not Very Interesting
11 year ago
Wow, I recorded this show thinking she’d say something cool and smart and interesting but what a hateful, selfish, degrading, mean, nasty-ass cunty bitch she’s become. Remember all the things that use to make her cool and interesting? They’re totally gone. All that’s left is the cunty party.
She literally has nothing smart, cool, interesting, or meaningful to say at all. She’s mean to her son and her husband/boyfriend/dickless-slave-hippy guy that sits around smiling like an idiot all the time. I’m guessing she keeps him around because she doesn’t want to be alone, and I doubt many people in her life want to spend any real time with her. I always thought she was cool, but now I realize the Tom Arnold was the cool one of the two. I never thought I’d ever say anything like this but Tom Arnold is waaaay too good for her.
The things she says on this show are REVOLUTIONARY if it were 1970. Instead of inspiring people, she basically makes young women glad they’re not her. Removing it from my Tivo NOW. I am trying so hard to get through an entire episode but it’s really difficult. She’s as hateful as any Jersey Shore or House Wives of whatever cast member on any of those hateful reality shows.
She wishes her parents sent her to college? Why didn’t she go to college and pay for it herself like most people do. My mom raised 4 kids all by herself, and then went back to college and paid for it herself and got a Master’s Degree. What an entitled asshole Roseanne is. She could go to college now. She’s uneducated because she wants to be uneducated.
The most interesting thing about her or this show is her gray hair.
Bitter much? Stay on that island bitch.
Anyone Else Use The Boob Phone Caddy?
31 year ago
Every girl knows that this is the best way to do handsfree calling. Just hit “speaker” and shove the phone in your bra-ket (aka bra-pocket).
Jennifer Hudson Is Prouder Of Her Weight Loss Than Her Oscar And That Is What Is Wrong With America
21 year ago
That’s right little girls of America. If you work hard and study hard and devote yourself to your craft you too can be skinny! Jennifer Hudson proved today that she’s a shallow idiot like everyone else on the planet. The celebrity told Self magazine that she is prouder of her weight loss than her Oscar because as usual, it doesn’t matter what you do with your life or what kind of asshole you are, as long as you’re not fat. America hates fat people and that’s pretty sad because that means we basically hate ourselves because let’s face it, odds are you are fat.
So don’t bother going to school, or being a good person, or staying off of drugs… don’t waste your time getting Oscars, or perusing your dreams… because nobody gives a shit. As a woman your job is to be sexy. If you are not sexy, you are worthless and let’s be clear… the key to being sexy is being skinny because men can love you if you’re dumb, crazy, hooked on drugs, steal their shit, use them for their money, use them for their connections or to meet their friends, or cheat on them… as long as you’re not fat. Fat bitches don’t get away with jack shit. Fat girls have to work twice as hard for anything and everything. So whatever you do, don’t get fat. Your life will be ruined and nobody will love you. Ask any fat girl.
Just get skinny and stay skinny because as Jennifer Hudson will tell you, that is all that really matters in life.
ox,
Fattie
Meanest Girls Advice: How To Get Ready For A Date
02 years ago
Everyone says I give great dating advice so I thought I’d write some of it down for you.
I’m not braggin’ but all this stuff I’m about to tell you totally worked on this dude. He’s a pretty cool dude. So take notes…
GET READY 3 HOURS BEFORE YOUR DATE!
When you have a date… get ready like 2 or 3 hours before the date. Do your hair and makeup and whatever you plan on doing. Then just live your live till he gets there. Watch TV, talk on the phone, Facebook, clean the kitchen… whatever you like to do with your free or spare time.
That way… when he shows up you look good, but not like you’re trying to impress anybody.
IF IT’S GOING WELL:
Half way through the night you can do a little lipstick and some eye liner freshen up or something. It’s a cute thing to do, draws his attention toward your lips and your eyes, and let’s the guy know that you are into him.
IF IT’S NOT GOING WELL:
If the date isn’t going well, go to the bathroom half way through the date and wash all the makeup off your face. Put your hair in a pony tail. Then take out a pack of cigarettes and light up. Indoors somewhere, where it’s totally inappropriate. That’ll make you look like a total asshole and he probably won’t call you again. If he does want to see you again, he’s probably got some kind of fetish dude and all you have to do is command him to not call you again.
HOT CURLERS RULE!
If you suck at blowing out your hair… like I do… just dry it and then put hot curlers in it for like 5 minutes. It won’t look all fake and curly, it’ll just look like you had a blow out. It gives the ends a little curl, which is all you need. This isn’t Dynasty.
THE BEST HAIR PRODUCT TO USE:
If you want to know the best product to use on your hair… I will tell you.
Get a small squirt bottle. Assemble some of your favorite hair products, gel, lotions, conditioner… I use an ice cream stick to scrape out waxes and harder products and shove them in there too… put a little of each in the squirt bottle and then add water, I use warm water because it melts all the products together faster. Give it a shake. Shake it until it’s a liquid again and not all separated. Just spray this in your hair before you blow dry it, or right before you go out, then run your fingers through your hair and shake it out and give it a little once over. It’s great. I use all those old products that I haven’t used in so long and my hair looks great. Sometimes a combination of a few different products just works for some reason. Make sure to shake it up good every time you use it, before you spray it in your hair.
This is what mine looks like. I just used an old bottle of some kind of hair shine spray and started mixing products in there.
A lil’ warm water and a shake and you’re looking good without looking fake.
And if you want your hair to look REALLY good you’ll go see Todd at Sterling Salon in Studio City… I’m just sayin’, he will make you look better than you ever could.
Todd let me know what he thinks of my idea of mixing products:
If it’s good enough for Sebastian, it’s good enough for me.
I Hope Ruby Stays Fat
152 years ago
How come, every time I watch that show Ruby on the Style Channel, I start secretly hoping Ruby Gettinger stays fat?
I mean, she really bugs me. I think I see some things in her that I just hate because they are the same things that hold me back and make me fat.
If you don’t know Ruby, she’s lazy, she complains about EVERYTHING, and she NEVER wants to do ANYTHING. Also, she’s friggin’ huge, like ginormous, like the size of one of those smart cars.
The Style Channel is paying this woman money, to film her life and weight loss adventure… they pay for the trainers, they probably pay for all sorts of things and she has the audacity to complain when they ask her to exercise.
I don’t think she wants to lose weight to be honest with you. I think that she wants to be famous, and the weight loss thing is just the easiest way for her to achieve that goal. Yes she’s lost something like 400 lbs but I don’t think she’s going to lose the weight and keep it off in the long term… The minute they stop paying her and filming her, she’s going to put it all back on. She already proved it.
She gained 60lbs in the two months that the show was on hiatus. She revealed in the first show of the new season that she had put on 60 friggin’ pounds in 8 weeks! Are you kidding me? She’s NOT even TRYING… They asked her why she gained the weight over the break and she had no idea. She gained it because she’s a selfish, lazy, fame seeker. Turn the cameras off and stop sending checks, and there goes her motivation to do ANYTHING.
So does she just want to be fat? I mean I’m fat, and I don’t want to be fat. I don’t think anybody WANTS to be fat… but maybe she likes the attention that being fat has gotten her… maybe she doesn’t want to give it up. I mean, as long as she’s fat she’s got a show and people around her who will act like they care about her. She feels like she matters. She’s finally the star of the show.
I’m not taking the show out of my DVR because I kind of like hating on her. She motivates me to NOT do what she’s doing. She makes me feel better about myself… one of those, “At least I’m not THAT bad” sort of things I think.
I know it’s not nice to say, but I feel like I have to just admit to the world that I hope Ruby stays fat.
National Delete Your MySpace Account Week!
02 years ago
I was reading online this morning about how MySpace has lost over 50 million users in the last year… and that’s still only about 40% of the users… who knew there were so many people still on MySpace? Last February there were 110 Million people using MySpace. Shocking, I don’t even know if I believe these statistics.
Traffic to MySpace last month plunged 44% from a year ago to 37.7 million unique U.S. visitors, its lowest monthly total since February 2006, according to comScore Inc.
Who are these 37.7 million users?
Tom hasn’t even logged in since last year! He made one stupid update on March 1st… I’m guessing that it wasn’t actually “Tom” but someone else who made that update once people realized that he was updating on Facebook but not MySpace.
That’s right, you heard me, EVEN MySpace Tom has a Facebook page!
With all of this said, I’m declaring this National Delete Your MySpace Account Week! Delete your old account that you don’t use anymore. Why should we have personal information on a site we don’t even use. Tell a friend! Pass it on! Let’s get everyone to do this!
I’m not suggesting that you delete your account if you’re a user who really logs into MySpace for whatever reasons… I’m talking about people like me (and Tom) who haven’t logged in for months or years… It’s time for a little social network spring cleaning!
Let’s send MySpace up to social networking heaven with it’s old pal Friendster.
Do you still use MySpace? Why? Do you still have an old account that you never use? Delete it and then leave a comment! I want to hear from you!
Holiday Dating Advice – Fucking On The First Date
22 years ago
In this economy there’s not a lot of money to spend on expensive Holiday gifts but thank God advice is free, so for Christmas I thought I’d give you all some FREE holiday advice.
FUCKING ON THE FIRST DATE IS JUST FINE…